When a child shows aggression: understanding it and responding

Children most often learn aggression from their environment — the family and the media. Witnessing or being exposed to violent content can lead children to see aggression as normal. Where there's an underlying vulnerability, this exposure can fuel aggressive behaviour. The encouraging part: aggression is learned, and positive behaviour can be learned to take its place.

Early warning signs

Aggressive behaviour often begins in the pre-school years — tantrums, hitting, kicking, pushing, threats to harm others, cruelty to animals, or deliberately damaging things. Warning signs can include social withdrawal and isolation, intense rejection, being bullied, uncontrolled anger, impulsivity, and low tolerance for differences.

How to respond

• Try to understand the causes and triggers first
• Be consistent in how you respond — and agree this with your partner
• Set clear, firm limits the child can understand
• Praise and reinforce positive behaviour
• Avoid judging, blaming, or threatening the child
• Let them express feelings, and talk about emotions often
• Tell them you love them, and spend quality time together

Practical steps at home

• Reduce screen time and follow what your child watches and plays
• Remove violent games and explain why
• Keep screens out of the bedroom
• Talk about why violence causes pain, not fun
• Be the model you want to see, and know your child's friends
• Stay in touch with school and use its guidance service
• Channel energy into sport, music, or art — and seek a professional's support